Depression!

The year was 2006, and I had just returned to Dallas from a trip out west to bring my wife back home after she took a leave and went out to Los Angles to work for Kaiser as a sales rep. Thinking that it was going to improve our life, and make us more money!

In doing so, she left me here in Dallas, with her two children, (my step children) and to become a parent that was a tall order.

Some time, around January of 2006, I started to tail spin, meaning I felt the beginnings of depression, and in my case, I have been there before.

In 2000, I had a horrible bout of it when I was in Lufkin, Texas, and before that I was a teenager, and the bullying in school and such.

Somehow I survived those bouts, with some "mental" toughness of my own. Or at least I thought so!

So here we are in 2006, coming back from the West Coast, and getting my "wife" settled back home, and then all of a sudden, a day or so after coming back, I tried to commit suicide. Yep you saw the word, in plain black and white. I wanted to step off this world and make a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

There are so many reasons that I wanted to end my life. There was a year of depression that set in, and in doing so, this was not a snap decision to make. My work, my marriage, my surroundings, my finances, my health, everything was tail spinning around me.  It was like a Rubic's Cube that all the colors came up the same, and that's suppose to mean you one the game, but in my case, it meant that I could not juggle my life anymore, and it was crashing around my ears.

So after being admitted to the Mental Ward of a hospital for four days (thats what the law allows) I was sent home, only I had no home.

Somewhere along the line, my "wife" decided that it was time to file for divorce... so much for that "better and for worse" line in vows right?... So she packed her stuff up and moved in with her mom, I just packed up and moved.

Here we are six years later, I am a bit better-- I had a heart attack in 2008, and for a person who tried to end his life, I tried to save it on that night in January of '08... so there's an oxymoron for you!

This is Mental Health Awareness Week.  What does that mean?

It means that we must be aware of our friends and family members that might suffer from depression or have suicidal tendencies, or those who suffer from anxiety attacks. This is not something that goes away if you take medicine, this is an ongoing fight every day of our lives. We win the day to day battles, but the war rages all around us.

Look for signs of depression in those that you care about. You probably know them by now-- the one strong sign though is, when they start giving away things of value to them to others. Jewelry, mementos, heirlooms, and such. These are tell tale signs that there might be something going on inside their head, and you have to get to the bottom of it.

Every moment is precious, and a person who suffers from depression no longer appreciates the moment, all they know is that they want to end the pain, and the hurt deep inside their soul. They are aware of the people that might be hurt by it, but by the same token they believe that it is the best thing for them and others in their lives, if they were no longer around, no longer a burden to them and to others, and that the world would be a better place without them. That their life has very little purpose or meaning to others, and that they understand that in the morning, the sun will come up and it will set, whether they are here or not.

Life goes on with us or without us, thats a fact, but it sure does make it a lot less of a place to be in when someone leaves us like that.

I for one, wake up each day and am thankful for the day, but then again-- I fight the demons off every day as well!

If you suffer from depression or any other mental illness, seek help, and surround yourself with good friends and family, they are the best medicine for you!

YOU will WIN THE DAY!

Just a thought!